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Seriously J.k?

Seriously Jakey?

It's a jk, right?  All just a joke.

The work this man has done has aided the production of the films which make you extra mega mega rich and you yourself have admitted to using his work while writing when out and about.

You go after him when there are so many more unofficial "companion" guides  - The majority of which are total guff and have not contributed to your fortune in any small way.

To top it off, he has to pay you just under 7 grand.  I'm sure he needs it more than you.  I'm sure 7 grand is what falls out of your back pocket when you shake your trousers before putting them in the wash.

For shame, I say.  For shame.

Edit: I wrote about this trial a while ago and bit more coherently here.

Oh, and hooray for new posting code/system/technical whatever.  It means I only have to enter a link address once now because they don't immediately disappear with "error javascript" in place of the web address.  That was really pissing me off.

Un-kicking the Habit.

Rock me, Amadeus (Or how Mozart and heavy metal fans have more in common than they'd like to admit)

Fans of Mozart and other classical composers were found to be innovative and self-confident ... just like followers of heavy metal bands such as Kiss, despite the age difference
Fans of Mozart and other classical composers were found to be innovative and self-confident ... just like followers of heavy metal bands such as Kiss, despite the age difference

Published Date: 05 September 2008
By Tim Cornwell
Arts Correspondent

FANS of heavy metal music are usually portrayed as long-haired students playing air guitar in their grubby rooms. Classical music lovers, by contrast, are stereotyped as serious, grey-haired and overwhelmingly middle-class.
But these apparent opposites have more in common than people might imagine, according to a study yesterday.

Researchers found fans of Motorhead shared "virtually identical" personality traits with Mozart lovers, both being unusually creative and introverted.

As part of a study into the link between people's musical tastes and their personalities, psychologists at Heriot-Watt University in Edinburgh asked more than 36,000 people worldwide to rate 104 musical styles and questioned them on aspects of their personality.

Professor Adrian North, Heriot-Watt's head of applied psychology, said the results showed musical tastes could directly reflect people's characters.

While indie music listeners tended to lack self-esteem, pop music fans were largely uncreative, he said. People into country and western were hard-working, rap fans were outgoing, and lovers of jazz and classical music were innovative and bursting with self-confidence.

Most surprisingly, he said: "I was struck by how similar fans of heavy metal and classical music really are. Apart from the age differences, they were virtually identical.

"Both were more creative than other people, both were not terribly outgoing and they were also quite at ease with themselves."

But Susan Nickalls, a classical music reviewer for The Scotsman, poured scorn on his theory. "What do you do if you like hip-hop, jazz, classical and rock – does that mean you are schizophrenic?" she asked. "How can you say that everyone who goes to an opera is creative? This guy should research something serious.

"I like heavy metal and I like classical and I like opera. I like Whitesnake, and my favourite operas include Tosca. When the heroine throws herself off the battlements, heavy metal people might say that's the equivalent of bashing your guitar on stage."

Fiona Shepherd, The Scotsman's rock music critic, said it would be good if the survey contributed to the rehabilitation of the heavy metal music fan, to give a more "rounded and surprising picture".

Prof North suggested fans of jazz and soul had the "best" character traits, including high self-esteem and an outgoing nature. He went on: "People often define their sense of identity through their musical taste, wearing particular clothes, going to certain pubs, and using certain types of slang. It's not so surprising that personality should also be related to musical preference."

Some 36,518 people from countries as far afield as Malaysia, China, Japan and Chile were asked to rate musical styles ranging from chart pop to Bollywood music and opera as part of the Heriot-Watt study.

Huzzah for mass generalisations.  Since I fit into both camps of Metal fan and Classical fan, then I suppose I'm the exact double of myself. Or something.  I've been listening a bit of Dresden Dolls lately.  I was completely surprised at what they actually sound like.  In my head, I'd written them off as a rubbish ear-bleeding Murderdolls-a-like or something similarly awful.  Not the case.  Punk caberet they call it, all piano, experimental sounds and word play lyrics.  Very enjoyable.

I'll be posting later more on a fic auction I'm taking part in (just need to send the app away) and perhaps my thoughts on what I've seen on the Rep/Dem conventions (I'm going to steer right past my sudden attraction to Chelsea Clinton.  Maybe.)

But for now, I was left with this bizarre thought as I washed this morning.  With my black pj T shirt pulled over my head but still hanging on there at the crown of my head, I was hit with a sudden realisation : I'd look no too bad in a habit. 

Anyone else had similar thoughts?  Surely we all did something similar as kids?  No?  Just me?


Scotland and Drunk EW

Anyone who watched the Scotland friendly - How guff was that tonight??

*shakes it off*

Here's a pic for zee014, the consummate believer that Emma Watson is impeccably classy.

Is this the first step on the road to Lohan-ism?


I am, of course, joking. Corona has lately been my bottled beer of choice. And bonus points for having the lime in the bottle as well. And she is wearing a lot of clothes which makes her categorically Not-Lohan.

[This entry sponsored by the 'Campaign To Make Emma Watson Look Cool But Also Urge People Drink Responsibly As Well, Because Alcohol Can Lead To Serious Problems - So Be Good, OK?'.]

Fic: The WWW


: Hr/G (background)

Characters: Harry, Hermione, Ginny

Rating: PG-13

Summary: What happens when the internet comes to Hogwarts?

Disclaimer: Blah as always.

Authors Notes: Crack fic to the extreme.  Time period is irrelevant.  And it’s so terribly post-post-post modern ;)  Written between the hours of 2.10am and 4.30am.  That should be warning enough for the “humour” contained within.



Quiz, fic and football

Your result for The Perception Personality Image Test...

NBPC - The Daydreamer


You perceive the world with particular attention to nature. You focus on the hidden treasures of life (the background) and how that fits into the larger picture. You are also particularly drawn towards the colors around you. Because of the value you place on nature, you tend to find comfort in more subdued settings and find energy in solitude. You like to ponder ideas and imagine the many possibilities of your life without worrying about the details or specifics. You are in tune with all that is around you and understand your life as part of a larger whole. You are a down-to-earth person who enjoys going with the flow.

The Perception Personality Types:


Take The Perception Personality Image Test at HelloQuizzy

Daydreamer? So not surprised. It's quite accurate in regards to comfort and energy in solitude, especially by the sea.  Give me a sea and a nice sky and I'm happy. It's actually what I plan to do for my birthday this year - sit by the sea for the day, notepad, music, Irn Bru and I'll be set. I usually get melancholy to the extreme on my birthday - not so much about getting older, but other things.  I've tried many different things over the past few years to combat the birthday blues - quiet family dinner, raucous night out, quiet night out, raucous night in etc etc but I'm feeling quite good about this plan and haven't actually told anyone yet, although I'm sure it'll be considered extremely sad. I just hope the weather's decent. As much as I like the rain, I don't fancy hanging out in the rain by the sea by myself.

The quiz is wrong in terms of 'going with the flow' and not paying attention to detail, but even a computer can't be right all the time.  I see I missed the 'artist' criteria only by favouring background over foreground.  That's just because I have a thing for seas and skies :)

I wrote a crack!fic in the wee hours of last night. It's not anything special, but I'll post it later. I see that 12,000 HP fans have petitioned to have the film moved back to November. I'd sign that on condition that the movie would indeed be finished to best of ability by November and that the move was entirely motivated by money (which is ridiculous because HBP is making millions and millions any time).  However, if they want an extra couple months to edit, polish, tweak or maybe even reshoot some scenes then I'm cool with a Summer 09 release.  As much as I have been looking forward to HBP, I don't want it to be an utter pile of crap when it comes out because IMO Yates needs every advantage he can get to compensate for his poor skills in this genre.

On other news, I have completely OD'd on football since the season's return.  I even watched a game between Miami FC and the Carolina RailHawks in the USL first division at some stupid time in the morning over the internet on the Fox soccer channel.  I'm telling you - I'm seriously ill.
This post was going to be about my plans for becoming a political revolutionary and why.  But I haven't properly sorted it out in my head yet.  I also haven't decided if I can be completely serious and committed to agenda - which I haven't really sorted out yet either.  More of a pressure group, not on the government directly at first, but on the general population.  I'm tired and frustrated with the exceedingly apathetic and ill-informed nature of the vast majority of the people in Britain and something needs to be done to galvanise people because things are becoming increasingly worse (I'm not even talking about the imminent recession which is plain for everyone to see - but more issues on the world stage and nationwide) and it seems like no one actually gives a shit.  It "doesn't affect them" ergo why do anything?  Why not let the (Westminster) government and the capitalist regime become more corrupt, inbalanced and extreme? - It doesn't "affect" us, so why care?

This past week I've been thinking lots about Network.  I saw it a couple of years ago but the the Mad as Hell speech keeps flashing in my mind.  Every time it does, I tell the nearest person in my vicinity about it - and thus far, no one's seen Network. I know it's an older film, but I didn't think it obscure.

I don't have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. It's a depression. Everybody's out of work or scared of losing their job. The dollar buys a nickel's worth. Banks are going bust. Shopkeepers keep a gun under the counter. Punks are running wild in the street and there's no one anywhere that seems to know what to do with us. Now into it. We know the air is unfit to breathe, our food is unfit to eat, and we sit watching our TVs while some local newscaster tells us that today we had 15 homicides and 63 violent crimes as if that's the way it's supposed to be. We know things are bad. Worse than bad. They're crazy. It's like everything everywhere is going crazy so we don't go out anymore.

We sit in a house as slowly the world we're living in is getting smaller and all we say is, "Please, at least leave us alone in our living rooms. Let me have my toaster, and TV, and my steel belted radials and I won't say anything."

Well I'm not going to leave you alone. I want you to get mad. I don't want you to protest. I don't want you to riot. I don't want you to write to your congressman because I wouldn't know what to tell you to write. I don't know what to do about the depression and the inflation and the Russians and the crying in the streets. All I know is first you've got to get mad. You've got to say, "I'm a human being. God Dammit, my life has value."

So, I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window, open it, and stick your head out, and yell, "I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!" I want you to get up right now. Get up. Go to your windows, open your windows, and stick your head out, and yell, "I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore!" Things have got to change my friends. You've got to get mad. You've got to say, "I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore!" Then we'll figure out what to do about the depression and the inflation and the oil crisis. But first get up out of your chairs, open your window, stick your head out and yell, "I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore!"

I think this is what's needed.  People need to get mad.  They need to care.  But I have so little faith, I just don't see it. 

On the other hand, I could do nothing: Watch as Labour fall apart (Well, I wouldn't of been helping them anyway), Shudder as Tory get into power and then have the Independence referendum right around the corner which will surely pass - as the polling increases as does SNP Holyrood approval rate but when you add in Tory rule, the people of Scotland (Independents/Unionists/Undecideds/Could Care Less's) will do anything to stop the Conservative's from having power in Scotland. 

Perhaps in 2010 I'll see the political awareness/drive that I wish to see from a majority, instead of the minority.


The play's still not done (and I can't be writing fanfic until it's done and I've had a few idle ideas lately).  Have done nothing remotely related to writing today.  Nothing.  But then it is Saturday, traditionally the day to immerse myself in football for 8 or 9 hours, forget everything else and be innately, unhealthy obsessed with eleven men.

Oh, and finally watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall - Good, if quite distressing.  Watching my KBell let Russell Brand sex her actually nearly caused me to vomit. I am not kidding.  I had that strong a reaction.  And that's because I know where he's been.

Evil inside of me is on the rise...

Why is it so easy to find newspaper articles online in TV drama?

They have this one, simple, clean looking page.  They type in what they're looking for and it's go go go.  The more ambitious dramas will have them trying two or three search terms to show that they're arduously working on the problem by battering a keyboard on this excellent search engine which always give them what they're looking for.  Some even go so far as to produce three or four links conveniently under each other which indicate a 'pattern' or whatever.

Anyway.  My point is - I do not have that search engine.  I have google  - Which I've always loved.  But it's let me down tonight.

Will I have to go to the library and look through microfische screen caps (no idea how to actually spell that, but I'm sure it's the term) of old newspapers?  And it was only a year ago!

June 5th 2007 a 68 year old woman in Scotland developed the bubonic plague which turned to pneumonic.  I want to know where etc but I cannot find a thing about it.  Except on wiki, which is where I found it in the first place.

The conclusion I'm slowly coming to is that wiki is lying to me - as is very possible being a mass-edited enclyclopedia.  This makes me sad.  I don't think it's lied to me before.

I don't think I'll ever be able to trust the internets ever again...

In other news, I watched Dr. Horrible's Singalong Blog last night - Bravo Whedon!  Once again you make me giddy, sad, involved, intrigued and left with the need to sing every song loudly and out of tune.  If you haven't seen it, I recommend you do at once.  That's a man who put his downtime during the WGA strike to good use.  It's still free online so there's really no excuse.  Unless you have a suck connection.  Then I recommend download.

Procrastinate? What? Who? Me??

Do not go on this site.

It's procrastination in it's purest form.  I know it's not just me who can sit, dead eyed, blank soul and an active index finger which just keeps pressing 'Deal' for a new game of Solitaire.  Well, this site is much, much worse.  I haven't actually explored any of the dozens of games on offer, bar one - 9 ball pool.  It's getting ridiculous. I must stop.

I've done many things to procrastinate from writing in the past wee while and it seems like every time I settle down, something distracts me - phone call, text, dog...  I've set myself a deadline on Sunday night.  I work so much better to deadlines.  I've even written it in red pen on my calendar.  Hopefully that will be the sufficient kick up the ass I need.

I've been listening to a bit of Morissette today and when listening to 21 Things I Want In A Lover I wondered how many conditions I would actually fill.


  1. Do you derive joy when someone else succeeds?
    Depends who but usually yes.  I can’t help but be bitter if I dislike the person.

  2. Do you not play dirty when engaged in competition?
    I play fair but may quietly sulk if comprehensively beaten.

  3. Do you have a big intellectual capacity?
    I believe so.

  4. But know that it alone does not equate wisdom?

  5. Do you see everything as an illusion?

  6. But enjoy it even though you are not of it?

  7. Are you both masculine and feminine?
    I do enjoy boypants, beer and football so we’ll say yes.

  8. Politically aware?

  9. And don't believe in capital punishment?
    Absolutely don’t believe.  But I believe if I was ever in the position of someone close to me being killed, I’d want the perpetrator swinging.  But that’s why we have a legal system.

  10. Do you derive joy from diving in and seeing that loving someone can actually feel like freedom?
    Complex question, Alanis.  I would have to go with yes.  I usually have to be pushed before ‘diving in’ though.

  11. Are you funny?
    I hope so.  Otherwise I’ve just been getting pity laughs my entire joke-making life.  Or they’re all laughing at me.

  12. A la self-deprecating?
    Only with good friends.

  13. Like adventure?
    I like what I consider adventure, but haven’t been in any treasure caves recently.

  14. And have many formed opinions?
    Too many.

  15. Are you uninhibited in bed?
    Can be.

  16. More than three times a week?
    Yes, more than 3 times a week – Would you like an estimate first,, Alanis?

  17. Up for being experimental?
    The extent of your ‘experimental’ intrigues me, so I’ll say yes.

  18. Are you athletic?
    I try but not really.

  19. Are you thriving in a job that helps your brother?

  20. Are you not addicted?
    Oh, I have many addictions.

  21. ...curious and communicative...
    Yes, yes.


Looks like 17/21.  I cannot believe that I am so bored that I accidentally created a meme.  Urgh.

Need big rock to head immediately please.


Dear Sir/madam/automated telephone answering service,

Having spent the past twenty minutes waiting for someone at Maryhill police station to pick up a telephone I have decided to abandon the
idea and try e-mailing you instead.
Perhaps you would be so kind as to pass this message on to your colleagues in Maryhill by means of smoke signal, carrier pigeon or ouji board.

As I'm writing this e-mail there are eleven failed medical experiments (I think you call them youths) in Balfour Street which is just Off Kelvindale Road.  Six of them seem happy enough to play a game which involves kicking a football against an iron gate with the force of a meteorite.
This causes an earth shattering CLANG! Which rings throughout the entire building.
This game is now in it's third week and as I am unsure how the scoring sytem works, I have no idea if it will end any time soon.
The remaining five walking abortions are happily rummaging through several bags of rubbish and items of furniture that someone has so thoughtfully dumped beside the wheelie bins.
One of them has found a saw and is setting about a discarded chair like a beaver on speed.
I fear that it's only a matter of time before they turn their limited attention to the bottle of calor gas that is lying on it's side between the two bins.
If they could be relied on to only blow their own arms and legs off then I would happily leave them to it.
I would even go so far as to lend them the matches.
Unfortunately they are far more likely to blow up half the street with them and I've just finished decorating the kitchen.

What I suggest is this:
After replying to this e-mail with worthless assurances that the matter is being looked into and will be dealt with, why not leave it until the one night of the year (probably bath night) when there are no mutants around - then drive up the street in a panda car before doing a three point turn and disappearing again.
This will of course serve no other purpose than to remind us what policemen actually look like.
I trust that when I take a clawhammer to the skull of one of these throwbacks you'll do me the same courtesy of giving me a four month
head start before coming to arrest me.

I remain sir, your obedient servant

Mr ??????,
I have read your e-mail and understand you frustration at the problems caused by youth playing in the area and the problems you have encountered in trying to contact the police.
As the Community Beat Officer for your street I would like to extend an offer of discussing the matter fully with you.
Should you wish to discuss the matter, please provide contact details (address / telephone number) and when may be suitable.

PC ???
Community Beat Officer

Dear PC ?????
First of all I would like to thank you for the speedy response to my original e-mail.16 hours and 38 minutes must be a personal record for Maryhill Police station and rest assured that I will forward these details to Norris McWhirter for inclusion in his next book.
Secondly I was delighted to hear that our street has it's own community beat officer.
May I be the first to congratulate you on your covert skills.In the five or so years I have lived in Balfour Street, I have never seen you.
Do you hide up a tree or have you gone deep undercover and infiltrated the gang itself? Are you the one with the acne and the moustache on his forehead or the one with a chin like a wash hand basin? It's surely only a matter of time before you are headhunted by MI5.

Whilst I realise that there may be far more serious crimes taking place in Maryhill such as smoking in a public place or being Muslim without due care and attention, is it too much to ask for a policeman to explain (using words of no more than two syllables at a time) to
these twats that they might want to play their strange football game elsewhere.
The pitch behind the Wrecky or the one at Cleveden Secondary are both within spitting distance from said street.

Should you wish to discuss these matters further you should feel free to contact me on ??? ????.
If after 25 minutes I have still failed to answer, I'll buy you a large one in Harveys.

P.S If you think that this is sarcasm, think yourself lucky that you don't work for the cleansing department.



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